Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
