I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Randomize
