Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Randomize
