Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Randomize
