Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
i will never coherently bang her
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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