Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
