Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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