rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
3 2 1 whiskey
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
