New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
