You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
i out mim tonsoeep
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize