no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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