And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
