there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
It's shark week go big or go home
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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