I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize