So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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