Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Watching her eat just hurts me
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
