Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Randomize
