I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
