You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
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