My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
