And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
