I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
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