The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
