i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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