Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
