drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
