Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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