Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
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