I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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