Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
