he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Randomize
