I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
it hurts more in the daytime
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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