just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
After tacos, we're chasing women.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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