Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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