OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Randomize
