why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
