You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
