i permit you to call me
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
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