Kareoke will never be a sober sport
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
