I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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