I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I met the friendliest cop last night
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
