drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
