how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
