i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
