you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
