**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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