I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
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