I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
