I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
We need to feng shui this bitch.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
