I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
