Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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