Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
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