They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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