I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
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