So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize