At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
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