I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Randomize
