I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
there was a trapeze. enough said
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
