it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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