Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
