Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
