I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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