So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
