I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
